Swordfish (2006, HD DVD)

Swordfish is your typical Hollywood computer movie - completely unbelievable and far-fetched. The actors are shown using Dell computers with Apple keyboards and mice (probably because the Apple boards look cooler). People are able to hack into systems in less than a minute, and they speak of encryption techniques that don't even exist. Even so, this isn't a totally bad movie. It's your typical summer fare and Travolta does make a good bad guy.

In Swordfish, Hugh Jackman plays a notorious computer hacker who was just recently released from jail. Because of his arrests, the courts banned him from seeing his daughter, who lives with her mom and porn-director boyfriend. Hmmmm. When Halle Berry shows up at Jackman's door and offers him money and a chance to get a good lawyer and win custody of his daughter, he simply can't pass up the opportunity. He is then taken to meet Travolta and given a job of hacking into several bank accounts filled with leftover money from a secret government project. The feds and the DEA are onto them, and things get progressively worse for everyone involved.

This movie opens with the ending, then the rest of the movie starts "2 weeks earlier" and progresses into what we see in the first 5 minutes of the film. There is a big opening explosion sequence that is one of the coolest special effects shots that I think I've ever seen. It takes the spinning camera stuff of The Matrix to a whole new level. In between the unrealistic computer stuff, there are plenty of car chase scenes and shootouts to keep the audience going. I heard several people in the theatre say "cool" and I think that is what the overall point of this movie is - mindless entertainment to make people say "cool".

Dominic Sena directed Swordfish, and this veteran music video director previously did Gone in 60 Seconds, a movie that I really hated. In all seriousness, I had no intention of seeing Swordfish, but when I got to the theatre (whose phone lines were down so I could call and hear the movie showings) they tell me that they didn't have Evolution. I really wanted to see Evolution, but figured since I was already there, why not check out Swordfish.

Of all things about this movie, the most commonly mentioned thing about it is that Halle Berry shows off her breasts in it. I found this part to be totally unnecessary and very unflattering for her. She is far more sexy in her outfits and her graceful movements - NOT when she's kicked back topless in an lounge chair. She's a petite woman, and that's all I'm going to say here. I was not even slightly turned on.

Even so, the many action sequences in Swordfish are very well done, and there are lots of cool stunts, cars and people flying through the air, broken class, structural damage, explosions, fire, etc. The soundtrack is kind of sparse and features mostly pumped up techno music that you've never heard before and will never hear again.

My advice to Travolta: The hairdo was cool in Pulp Fiction, but not it makes you look like somebody who runs an adult video store.

My advice to Hugh Jackman: Lose the earring!!!! It makes you look like an idiot.

My advice to Halle Berry: Don't ever let those perverted producers talk you into getting naked for the camera. You are naturally sexy and don't have to go buff to prove it. I've lost a lot of respect for you. A lot!