Swordfish (2006, HD DVD)

Sports fans! This flick has zilch to do with sitting on that boat with your feet up, waiting for the big one to latch on to your line. Well, maybe it does. Hook line and sinker are words that do apply. The question is, who is the fish?
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There has been a lot of hype surrounding this movie, and given most of the parameters, by elimination, I think I know the problem. And if you hang on to that line for another few minutes, I'll tell you what it is.

Directing

Dominic Sena, The director, in spite of the fact that he was born in Ohio, which automatically makes him superior to the rest of the human race, seems to have a misspent middle career, doing Janet Jackson videos for Propaganda films. This is his third feature film. Kalifornia in 1993, was a movie with failed potential, and last year's Gone in 60 Seconds with Nicolas Cage should have been gone in fifteen seconds. In spite of some outstanding cast members, no success. This time we have Travolta who can ,when forced, act a little, and Jackman who has been successful in other ventures (in Australia) so there should have been something here, but it doesn't stand the test of watching more than once. Even the action scenes, which are really not bad, aren't enough to keep this film from sinking to the sludge at the bottom of the river. Could it be the director?.

Listening to the commentary was the deciding factor for me. The director is in love with his images, and once again the potential fails because although some scenes are stunning, he can't string them together to make a full length film. Maybe just too many gyrating body parts in his Jackson era? If your circulation diverts away from your brain long enough, the brain cells will die.

*****
Artistic/Stylistic Elements

The first time I watched this flick, it was tolerable. I was completely hooked by the opening dialog, in spite of it's merely superficial wit. I waited to hear similar wit throughout the flick. I waited in vain. The opening scene also ends with a spectacular special effect bomb blast, with bodies, cars, bits and pieces flung about a la TWISTER (I missed the cow, though) and I thought, Cool. This flick has some STYLE.

The stylistic elements aren't too bad and stay consistently impressive. There is some good camera work happening here, and strong use of color to define scenes, with interesting contrasts of magenta , a jarring light orange to red, and green color schemes. The color coordination can't be faulted for impact. It is the one element that I believe deserves special mention.

Script

The script writing of "Skippie" Woods could be glorified based on the opening dialog alone, which almost redeems the rest.*** I will include the entire soliloquy so you may read it, instead of watching the film, at the end of this review . ** There are other interesting lines interspersed throughout the screen play. The overall effect, however is very jerky, chopped up, and scene transitions are merely confusing. There is a difference between starting in a state of confusion and working your way out through the progression of the developing story,(Memento) then to start confused, and become more so. When the story becomes particularly bogged down, we get a flash of "implicit" sexual activity and bare boobs. When the snores in the audience begin to interfere with MY nap, the dialog-a-teer spits out a string of profanity to wake me up. In the end, the story has been done before, the horse is dead.

Music

The music is ..was there music? Whatever it is , you've heard the same or very like, before. We get computer hacker music, which has been consistent throughout the sub genre,(throbbing beat, atonal in nature) and we get to see visuals on screen that you would never see working on a computer, making hacking seem like a computer game that is waiting there on the shelf at Wall Mart. Tunnels, connecting polyhedrons, pretty much all surface hooey.

Mystery?

The only mystery at the end is not worthy of the discovery.
And it takes a long while to reach you. There are three choices in the end, to let you decide which you prefer as the ultimate role for the supervillain. While you may think it wonderful to have alternative endings (and I don't blame you) it reflects a lack of direction. It bears out my original complaint. Sena just had no idea where to take this flick.

But What About the Dog?

The opening scene with Stan shows him with a dog, who he puts in the back seat of his truck. Later on with his kid, the dog is gone. In an alternative ending, the dog is back. What did he do with the dog while this cheap (oops not cheap) drama unfolded? Do we report them to the ASPCA?

The Plot

The Funeral of Ned the Horse: Ned Carries: Hacker Theme, A bank robbery, Brilliant Arch Villain, Good looking mysterious woman to create sexual tension, Daddy away from child, Secret Government operations, all piled in his cart. Then He dies. The filmographers continue to beat him

Picture a group of people drinking coffee; Gabriel, our anti-hero or arch villain as you will utters the dialogue at the bottom of the review. Our anti-villain, or hero, Stanley (although we don t know who he is) watches in horror, as hostages loaded down in C-4. Explosives and steel ball bearings are seen huddled in terror. We watch, as one exits with the bad guy and watch as the stupid Feds fail to listen and shoot her gunman, and further terror as the hostage explodes (literally) Ooooohhhh!

Step backward four days. Ned, no longer dead, (this is backwards plot devlopment) drags the 'hacker and villain' plots up and leaves them with the a guy trying to sneak past customs at LAX. He tells us of marvelous things. A man (Gabriel) with limitless power and resources. And Ned nudges the government 'conspiracy covert operations ' plot to us with his hoof, as we find a senator is involved.

Ned our old horse hasn t died yet. He unloads the woman Ginger from his cart, a sexy smart sophisticated chick who goes to recruit our hero (or anti-villain) Stanley (unload last of the plots, (hacker/Daddy/child) and then goes and walks slowly a few feet and falls over and dies. Ned is dead.

Ned gets beaten with a stick as Stan talks to his ex-wife, who incidentally is married to a porn king, putting their daughter (who is isn t allowed to see) at risk of moral turpitude and Ginger entices Stan with money for lawyers to win her back.

Now poor Ned who s dead, gets beaten with a crowbar, as the evil villain, puts Stanley to the test. (Another plot is revealed beneath the sexual tension, the porn plot) in an unusual way that won t play well on afternoon matinees at home. Thank God for commercials.

Now people are literally stomping on Ned, as the hacker does his job, and the bigger bank robbery starts to unfold. When we find that Gabriel, our anti-hero, offs the senator, Ned is being beaten with a hammer.

Ned is almost resuscitated by a few offbeat scenes, with FBI agents rolling down a hill, and when a different persona for the sexy woman appears. But alas, Ned is truly dead.
There are a few interesting scenes, including a flying bus, so fast forward until you find it. The ultimate prize is nine and a half billion dollars. Lives hang in the balance.

By now we don t know whether Gabriel is still in on some secret anti-terrorist group or not. The purpose of his group is to strike terror in the hearts of terrorists (Where were you when we needed you?) The scariest line in the flick is

Do you know I can buy nuclear warheads in Minsk for 40 million each? Hell I buy a half dozen, I even get a discount.

And I won t tell you how any of the three endings finish. But you can probably guess.

The sub theme, which is incidentally the fatal flaw of this film, is
Misdirection. What the eyes see and the ear hears, the mind believes I take that back. Misdirection and inadequate directing are not equivalent.

The Cast

John Travolta as Gabriel (Shear) The super villain. Actually, not bad here, but the performance in no way compares to his performance in Face/Off and countless other better movies. In fact he plays a better villain in the much maligned Sci Fi flick.Battlefied Earth What is With that facial hair? I kept thinking, hey John! wash that off! To his credit, the character radiates intelligence and sophistication, except in a few scenes where he relives Broken Arrow .As for me, I still remember his old old character, Vinnie Barbarino.
Hugh Jackman as Stanley the hacker. Miscast, I think. He looks acutely uncomfortable in front of the keyboard, and lacks that hypnotic stare to authenticate the role. And I think he has to hunch down to make Travolta look taller. I loved his volatile character in X Men and was mildly disappointed here. He seems a little wimpy and inconsistent.
Halle Berry as Ginger Knowles, the other key mystery character. Halle was born in Cleveland, and named after the department store I used to know and love. I would rather think about the department store than her performance, although she wasn't all that bad. She was very attractive, and bares it all. I can't figure out for the life of me why it was part of the story. Whatever. It kept the male members of the audience awake, in any case.
Don Cheadle as Roberts, the one good cop in the picture. Too small a role for the best actor in the flick. But it is time for Donnie to get his own break through role! Stay out of these Dogs Don! They're killing you man!
Sam Shepard as Senator Reisman. Small part, could've been anybody. A waste of a good actor.
Vinnie Jones as Marco, one of the henchman. Remember him as "Big Chris" in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels? He worked with Sena in the failed Nicolas Cage film, but I recall him not, since even the memory of that flick was gone in sixty seconds.
Drea de Matteo as Melissa, the daughter of Stanley. She's a little girl playing a little girl. What would you like to know?
Rudolf Martin as Axl Torvalds, the hacker that gets caught and is killed off shortly after the opening scene. Now this guy has a screen presence, the best performance (maybe because it was shortest) and the best face in the flick.

Final Recommendation

This may work for a rental, but reconsider buying it. You deep sea fishermen are out of luck. The only one on the end of the hook will be you. Do you feel like a giant Tuna? The DVD extras include captioning, a worthless commentary by the director, except in describing the action scenes. It is annoying because he keeps forgetting to swallow his spit and chatters incessantly. There is a "making of" featurette, and alternative endings.

Here's that soliloquy, fishing fans:

Gabriel Shear: You know what the problem with Hollywood is? They make sh*t. Unbelieveable, unremarkable sh*t. Now I m not some grungy wannabe filmmaker that s searching for existentialism through a haze of bong smoke or something. No, it s easy to pick apart bad acting, short-sighted directing, and a purely moronic stringing together of words that many of the studios term as prose . No, I m talking about the lack of realism. Realism; not a pervasive
element in today s modern American cinematic vision. Take Dog Day Afternoon, for example. Arguably Pacino s best work, short of Scarface and Godfather Part 1, of course. Masterpiece of directing, easily Lumet s best. The
cinematography, the acting, the screenplay, all top-notch. But... they didn t push the envelope. Now what if in Dog Day, Sonny REALLY wanted to get away with it? What if now here s the tricky part what if he started killing hostages right away? No mercy, no quarter. Meet our demands or the pretty blonde in the bellbottoms gets it the back of the head. Bam, splat! What, still no bus? Come on! How many innocent victims splattered across a window would it
take to have the city reverse its policy on hostage situations? And this is 1976; there s no CNN, there s no CNBC, there s no internet! Now fast forward
to today, present time, same situation. How quickly would the modern media make a frenzy over this? In a matter of hours, it d be biggest story from Boston to Budapest! Ten hostages die, twenty, thirty; bam bam, right after another, all caught in high-def, computer-enhanced, color corrected. You can practically taste the brain matter. All for what? A bus, a plane? A couple of million dollars that s federally insured? I don t think so. Just a thought. I
mean, it s not within the realm of conventional cinema... but what if? "

....now what possible reason do you have for BUYING this flick?