Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2006, DVD)

Let me start by saying that I tried to find the eloquent words to best describe the disappointment I felt after seeing this much anticipated film. I was so anxious to see if the obvious off-screen chemistry between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt would be as hot on screen. I wanted to find out so much if getting rid of Aniston and replacing her with Jolie, was really worth it to Pitt. I wanted to feel some kind of heat! Well, in my quest for beautiful prose, I decided that no matter how I tried, I could only come up with three perfect words to describe this horrendous debacle. Those words are This film sucks.

The Story

Mr. and Mrs. Smith have been married for 5-6 years. The film opens with the couple together at a marriage counselor. They have nothing in common, they have no spark, they really don t care about each other. The film continues to drag, showing their beautiful house in suburbia, their typical nosey neighbours, and boring dinners starting at 7pm sharp. We get it. The couple are in a stale relationship and they are bored of one another.

We soon find out there is deeper meaning in both of their masqueraded lives. She is not the computer analyst her husband thinks she is. He is actually a spy with a very secretive firm. Gasp! So is she! I just wanted to add that both Mr and Mrs Smith (John and Jane, respectively), have been married for 5-6 years and they are each keeping an entourage of arsenal and weapons in their suburban home. In my opinion, the simple fact that neither has discovered either one s collection, makes them piss poor spies in my opinion.

The two spy companies they work for have discovered that they are Mrs. And Mr., and they have an assignment to kill one another. After several weak one-liners and shoot-em-up scenes, the couple decides that they cannot kill each other. You d think there d be a wonderful love scene full of tenderness or even some hot sex. After all, we ve watched this couple shoot at one another, throw knives aimed to kill, use grenades,and they ve absolutely ruined their house in suburbia! After all of the hype about the chemistry between Jolie and Pitt after all of the Extra s and the Dianne Sawyer interviews, after all of the National Enquirer stories and the couple s face on every magazine for the past 6 months they have about as much chemistry on screen as a make out session between Hilary and Bill Clinton.

ANYWAY of course the couple team up and try to ward off all of the people in the opposing spy agencies who are trying to kill them. Lots of gun spray, really stupid one liners and torturous acting follows. That s about it.

My Thoughts

Directed by Doug Liman, ( The Bourne Identity, Swingers), this film lies solely on Jolie s lips and Pitt s phenomenal good looks to lure movie-goers. There is no substance, the characters are boring, the fundamental story is stupid. I felt like this film was trying to rip off Schwartzenegger s True Lies, but never got past even Tom Arnold s natural humor.

The barbs and one-liners in this film are pathetic. At one point after Mr. and Mrs. Smith had teamed up, Mrs. Smith throws a knife and it gets stuck in Mr. Smith s leg. It would obviously disable a person from walking and there would be a whole lot of yucky oozing blood. However, Mr. Smith just takes the handle of the knife and pulls it out of his leg with a sly look on his face, saying Honey and then she laughs, and comes back with Sorry, it was an accident. It s that bad.

The film is way to smug for it s own good. I couldn t wait for it to end. I am glad that I went to the film with a friend, because just like Seinfeld, I don t like making sarcastic remarks to strangers when I am at a bad movie.

My final thought would be this. Perhaps Katie and Tom are being smart. What if Batman and War of the Worlds are this bad? If I were Jolie and Pitt and I saw this film, I d panic and do everything I could to get enough hype going. Maybe they think people won t notice how wretched Mr. and Mrs. Smith is. You know.. Aniston is the one who dumped Pitt.. I m thinking she saw the movie and wasn t worried one iota over her husband s relationship with Jolie. I m thinking that she thought Oh My Good Lord, my husband is an idiot for taking this role.

Just my thoughts.
1 star. I d much rather watch Elizabeth Berkely in Showgirls.