Stuck on You (2006, DVD)

20th Century Fox - April 2003
118 minutes, PG rating (some foul language, sexual jokes and innuendo)
Screenplay/Directors - Bobby and Peter Farrelly (Dumb & Dumber, There's Something About Mary)

My daughter came over to visit today and brought a couple of movies. One was Cabin Fever, which I decided not to review since this one is excellent. The other was Stuck On You. I looked at who was in it, who wrote and directed it and thought it might be good. I'm an eternal optimist.

Walt (Greg Kinnear, As Good As It Gets, We Were Soldiers) and Bob (Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting, Ocean's Eleven) are joined at the hip - literally. They're 32 year old conjoined twins living in Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts where they own a diner and are the short-order cooks. Walt is an aspiring actor who appears in local stage productions, however, it is Bob that gets panic attacks prior to the performances. When Walt decides he wants to try and "make it big" in Hollywood, Bob is reluctant. Convincing his brother to try it for three months, they travel across the country and check into a seedy motel. One of their first experiences in Hollywood is when they spot Meryl Streep and invade the meal she is having in a restaurant. (Necessary for the movie ending I suppose.)

The sub-plot running through the movie concerns May (Wen Yann Shih, Timecop: The Berlin Decision) Bob's online female friend for three years, she lives in Hollywood but he has never told her about his brother. Walt calls May and sets up a meeting between her and Bob, unbeknownst to him. They manage to conceal their condition through a number of dates with her. One morning May walks in on the twins and discovers their secret. Very upset, she leaves, presumably never to return (but we know she will.)

Walt tries a few auditions and is laughed at, then tries to find an agent, unsuccessfully. He ends up signing with the sleazy Morty (Seymour Cassel, Royal Tenenbaums) someone they had been warned against. Morty eventually finds Walt a role in a "film" that turns out to be pornography. At the set they run into Cher who's trying to get out of a contract for a television series she hates. Cher eventually hires Walt to be her co-star, thinking the network executives will cancel the show. However, they call her bluff, begin shooting and the show is a hit. For a while, the fact that Walt is a conjoined twin is hidden on the television series but the news leaks out. Instead of hiding, the boys go public, appear on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and they become an overnight sensation.

Bob is unhappy and missing May, so Walt convinces him they can live their own lives if they have a somewhat dangerous operation to separate. (Dangerous for Walt that is, since Bob has most of the one liver they share.) May predictably returns just before the operation and declares her love. After the successful operation, adjusting to a life without the other always present is difficult for the twins. Walt's career takes a nose-dive and Bob decides to return to Massachusetts with May, where, without his brother, nothing is like it was before.

After a pep talk from Cher, Walt returns home to reunite with his brother and we skip to a year later where Walt has mounted a local theatre production of Bonnie and Clyde. However, he has turned it into a musical with Meryl Streep co-starring. I enjoyed the final production number, partly because Streep was dancing in it and partly because I knew the movie was coming to an end.

I have always enjoyed Greg Kinnear and Matt Damon, they're both funny, charming, good looking fellas but asking me to believe they are twins is a bit of a reach since they are so obviously not the same age. They perform well with one another but had little to work with in this script. I did not find this film to be the least bit amusing. I didn't laugh out loud once and only smiled a few times. It's basically a one-joke movie that wears out very quickly. The dialogue is horrendous at times, for example after the boys are separated Walt is sitting by the pool at their motel with April (Eva Mendes, 2 Fast 2 Furious) the girlfriend he has met and a dog (that apparently came from nowhere since this is the only time during the entire film we see it.) He (Walt that is, not the dog) is doing a newspaper crossword (a gag that runs through the entire movie) and asks her help. "What's a three letter word for man's best friend?" "Tit?" she replies. "I tried that already," he answers. Ugh. I assume it was so stupid it was supposed to be funny, I just found it to be stupid.

The make-up is done fairly well, showing the twins shirtless before they are separated numerous times. The music is great (the best part of the movie for me,) featuring songs such as "Moon River," "Wild Horses," "Baby I'm-A Want You," and "Alone Again Naturally." The disco music playing in the background during a bar fight was fun. I enjoyed Cher who played a parody of herself, exaggerating her clothes, features, hairstyles and diva attitude. The funniest scene of the entire movie for me was when she poked fun at her penchant for much younger boyfriends. We see her in bed watching tv with Frankie Muniz (Agent Cody Banks, Malcolm In The Middle.) The lady obviously has a sense of humour.

So although I like Damon and Kinnear, this one is a definite flop. Next time, I'm choosing the movies to rent.

Cast:
Matt Damon - Bob
Greg Kinnear - Walt
Eva Mendes - April
Wen Yann Shih - May
Pat Crawford Brown - Mimmy
Ray 'Rocket' Valliere - Rocket
Tommy Songin - Tommy
Terence Bernie Hines - Moe
Cher - Herself
Jackie Flynn - Howard
Seymour Cassel - Morty O'Reilly
Griffin Dunne - Himself

Music highlights:
"Wild Horses" - Written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, performed by The Rolling Stones
"Fire" - Written and performed by Jimi Hendrix
"Moon River" - Written by Henry Mancini and Johnny Mercer, performed by Andy Williams
"Human" - Written by Martin Patrick Crotty, performed by Cher
"She Gets Around" - Written by Tom Wolfe, performed by Buva
"The Hustle" - Written and performed by Van McCoy
"Prime Time" - Written and performed by Billy Goodrum
"It Never Rains in Southern California" - Written by Albert Hammond & Mike Hazlewood, performed by Pete Yorn
"I Fall Asleep" - Written by Tom Wolfe, performed by Buva
"Alone Again (Naturally)" - Written by Raymond O'Sullivan, performed by Gilbert O'Sullivan
"Baby I'm-A Want You" - Written by David Gates, performed by Bread
"Summertime from Porgy and Bess" - Written by George Gershwin, Ira Gershwin, Du Bose Heyward & Dorothy Heyward