Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2005, UMD)

Kill Bill, Vol. 2 (2004)

"I'd rather have a 'Royale with Cheese.'" George Chabot

a gold-plated turd. film critic Waynio

Tasteless, odorless crud. Sol, Soylent Green

You can fool all of the people some of the time Abraham Lincoln

Quentin Tarantino is shooting blanks. Unable to come up with an original idea since 1992 s Reservoir Dogs, he has relied on an over-the-top mishmash of derivative action, a comic book story, marginally talented actors, and his own increasingly tiresome genre-blending style.

But he has fans - despite the steady decline in quality of each of his succeeding films, just look here at some of the comments of the other reviewers or on imdb.com where you can almost see the drool ooze out of your computer screen. Sad to say, Quentin Tarantino apparently read the hype ground out by the publicity mill and believed it.

When Quentin couldn't decide what to do after "Jackie Brown," he made four hours of teen wanking material derived from martial arts, anime, spaghetti western, and comic book influences with no discernable reason, other than "he could." This steaming pile of video was split in half, and released as Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, the most recent entries in his increasingly bizarre oeuvre.

The problem is, even with four hours worth of material to cherry pick, all the king s horses and all the king s men couldn't put together one decent 90 minute movie from this dreck.

Apart from the praises of the sycophants, the story is one that a self-respecting monkey wouldn t claim. A revenge story that despite its flirtation with gratuitous violence manages to bore the bejeebers out of anybody who bothers to pay attention. QT s old tricks are fully in evidence - Caucasian actors with awe inspiring samurai skills (shudder); references to every bad movie in the known universe, boring monologues on arcane and trivial matters, and enough eff bombs to make a stevedore blush.

Hey, it s not like there is nothing good in the movie, but there s not enough good to counterbalance the mediocre to outright bad parts. Uma Thurman (The Bride) being trained by the old master (Pai Mei) as a tribute to David Carradine s work in television s Kung Fu, is a highlight. But any atmosphere this creates is soon dissipated by references to Sergio Leone s spaghetti westerns, and besides, everybody knows that Uma Thurman couldn t kick the **** out of anyone. The denouement is a let down, after the four hour build-up, it s over in the blink of an eye. So if you like the outrageous and the discontinuous, this might be your cup of tea.

Tarantino peoples his films with actors like Uma Thurman, Michael Madsen, David Carradine, Michael Parks (who?), Daryl Hannah, and Samuel L. Jackson. This is not a movie that, once the faddishness wears off, is going to make a whole lot of sense. Nor will you be able to remember why you liked it so much, way back when.

The Miramax DVD is presented in color and black and white, in 2.35:1 theatrical format, and runs an overlong 2-hours-and-s-e-v-e-n-t-e-e-n m-i-n-u-t-e-s, at least 30 minutes of which could easily be deleted and make it a stronger film. How much stronger? Well if done properly, it might raise Kill Bill Vol. 2 up to an average film. As it is, it is among the lower tier of movies I ve seen, despite the pretty pictures.

Extra features include subtitles, deleted scenes, and a making of featurette where you can see QT, apparently under the influence of some drug, as he blathers on without making much sense. Watch this movie if you must, but don t say I didn t warn you.

Thanks for stopping by!