Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2005, DVD)

With some reluctance on my part, my SO and I went out for dinner and a movie tonight. After having stated to me that he wanted to see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. It was, shall I say, an interesting experience.

Written and directed by , it's a homage to the cheaply produced serials of the 1930's, with their cliffhanger rescues, bold heroes, sassy heroines and preposterous plots. Set in a never-never land of flying robots, mysterious women, grand air battles, it's a comic book lover's delight, with the plots hanging together by a thread or two, with elements drawn from The Island of Dr. Moreau, Odd John, the Wizard of Oz, Lost Horizon and even War of the Worlds and the Bible.

It's somewhere in a time when the world is an Art Deco nightmare, a zepplin docks at the top of the Empire State Building, a scientist passes a parcel to someone, and then vanishes. That parcel arrives at the glamourous heroine's office, Polly Parker (Gwyneth Paltrow), who is stylish, pouty and more concerned with her appearance than her skin, as all good heroines of this type are. The package instructs her to meet with this missing scientist, who tells her that the mysterious Totenkopf is after him when they are interrupted by air raid sirens. Polly, who is as stupid as she is pretty, doesn't do the smart thing and try to get out the city, no she dodges giant robots tromping through the streets, narrowly being missed again and again by just a smidgen. But her valiant ex-boyfriend, the Sky Captain (Jude Law) of the title, is there vrooming about in his aircraft, narrowly saving her from being flattened.

See, I told you it was held together by a thread...

We go on through another attack, this time on the Sky Captain's (his real name is Joe, by the way) ultrahuge airbase, and get to meet his genius sidekick and good buddy, Dex Dearborn (Giovanni Ribisi) who leaves a clever clue behind when the airbase is overrun by more flying machines, this time huge mechanical bats commanded by the Mysterious Woman (Bai Ling) -- honest, that what it says in the credits. Following the kidnapped Dex, and the clues to Totenkopf, our hero and heroine run off to Tibet in not much more than their skivvies, and meet with the sassy Franky Cook (Angelina Jolie) and her huge flying airbase, all the while snapping pictures and avoiding certain death. Do they get to save the world? Well, what do you think?

That it's a hommage to the old celluloid films of the early studios with their sepia tones, soft lit faces and simple effects is plain in this adventure. And that part works -- New Yorkers will chuckle over some of the locations. But audiences today are a bit more sophisticated in their tastes, and what would have drawn gasps seventy years ago, now just gets a bored giggle and the idle thought of, are they serious? Well, they're not, and I was hoping that the deficits in plot would be made up by the actors in this. After all, they've gotten nominated for Oscars, right? At least one of them won, right?

Worst of all, this film takes the venerable ghost of Lawrence Olivier, and uses old footage to paste together a character (just which one, I won't tell you). Now, Steve Martin did a great version of this called Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, but here -- it stinks. Both Paltrow and Law are plastic in their mood and acting, just walking through their lines and scenes with hardly a ripple of emotion on their perfectly coiffed and made up faces. The only lively character of the lot is Angelina Jolie, who gets the best lines and the best role in this as the spunky, one eyed captain. Perhaps it was the fact that the actors did virtually everything in this in front of a blue screen, and computer generated sets, monsters, and effects were created around them. It's hard to play off an empty space unless you are a talented actor, and you can convince the audience to drop their sense of belief for a while.

But in this one, it doesn't work at all. If you're a teenager who loves the comics, you'll have a ball. If you're an adult, or a science fiction fan, especially of the old stuff, you'll be bored out of your wits with this predictable farce. The effects are top notch, and that does give the film four stars, but I'm subtracting for the dumb, insulting plot, and just giving it two stars, which would make it palatable for a late night when you have insomnia.

No breasts, no blood, cities being trampled, Paltrow and Law playing Barbie and Ken have an adventure with accessories, and cartoon violence with one of the dumbest endings ever, flat one-liners and quips. Just two stars this time.