Glitter - Carey, Mariah (CD 2001)

Believe it or not, there was actually a time where I liked Mariah Carey. Sure, I was twelve years old, and it was her pre-wh*re stage (you know, before every two bit rapper had had every piece of her body) and her songs were catchy and poppy, and they even had some lyrical intelligence to them. Wow, the collective groan that was just heard across the Epinions community that I, the King of Rock, used to like Mariah Carey. Well, that New Kids on the Block review won't be too shocking anymore I guess. Anyways...

This was Mariah's first, and as it would turn out, last, album under her new mega deal with Virgin Records. It seemed she just couldn't wait to get away from ex hubby Tommy Mottola over at Sony/Epic. In the end, this album, which as we all know, bombed almost as bad as the movie that accompanies it, cost Virgin $49 million. Between Carey's signing bonus and the cost of letting her go after this one album, that's a load of dough. But with one listen to this cd, you realize that may have been the cheap way to go for Virgin.

The disc opens with a remix of the first single released from the album, Loverboy. You all remember this song/video, it's the one where Mariah is at a drag racing course and she's fondling herself over and over again. It's not much of a remix from the original, other than the fact it features Da Brat and Ludacris and a couple of other two bit rappers. The original closes the album. I've never liked this song, to me it's a terrible example of songwriting. There's cheesy pop songs that are fun, and then there are just cheesy pop songs. Take a gander as to which these fall into.

Lead the Way is a classic Mariah ballad, which I find interesting because it seemed the hype around Mariah's last few albums had her becoming "independent" after her divorce from Mottola. This shows her going back to the love song. Her voice sounds good enough here, but the music sounds too much like Hero from her Music Box album.

Ja Rule, who has made a career out of jumping on the deep throated voice deal that made DMX famous, appears on the third track, If We. As usual, what he does isn't very good or memorable. Nate Dogg (probably still best known for Regulate) also guests on it, and his voice lends well to this track. But this is generic R&P (rhythm and pop) that could be replaced by any of the nine million artists in that genre these days.

We then get thrown into a time warp back to the late 70s/early 80s with Didn't Mean to Turn You On. I don't know if this is a tribute to some of Mariah's favorites from that period of her life or what, but it sounds horribly dated. Don't worry Mariah, this song doesn't turn me on.

Another two bit rapper, Mystikal makes a very forgettable appearance on Don't Stop. You know, if Mariah would just tell her rapping "friends" to take a hike, this album wouldn't be so awful.

The Rick James penned All My Life is next, and this just SOUNDS like Rick James. Smooth, kind of funky, definitely dated, but decent nonetheless. More than anything, there's a great vocal hook that just doesn't go with the melody on this song. It was a waste, especially on this album, which doesn't exactly have many great hooks, a Mariah staple.

By far the best song on the album is the simple piano ballad Reflections (Care Enough). I think this is a fabulous song lyrically, and while it's another example of a type of song Mariah has overused throughout her career, her voice sounds good. It's just a quality song. Granted, it's about the only quality song on the album, but I digress.

But god knows Mariah can't go too long without getting some play, so Busta Rhymes, Fabulous (so, what's it like to be famous because of a Nate Dogg vocal hook?) and DJ Clue (who are you?) all make appearances on Last Night a DJ Saved My Life. This is a classic throw away dance number. There's one problem. There isn't a real hook to be found anywhere. Earth to Mariah: your career depends on hooks.

Want You sounds like something the 14 year old Mandy Moore would come up with. I guess I shouldn't be surprised it's a Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis song, it's got that cheesy quality to it that ONLY they can bring.

Never Too Far was the second single released, and it's yet another piano ballad. This seems to be another song directed at Mottola, although it's not nearly as bitter as some of the previous ones Mariah has penned. It's nothing fabulous, kind of like lounge music.

Twister continues the general theme of this album: Mariah's inner emotional and personal struggles. I mean, it gets to the point where you hear the same theme so much you think you're listening to a damned Creed record. But ultimately, Glitter fails not because of poor songwriting (although that certainly didn't help), but because it has no true direction, lacks the certifiable hooks that previous Mariah albums had, and most of it sounds so dated you'll be wondering whether it's 2002 or 1982.

If you really want to listen to Mariah, take out that old Music Box or MTV Unplugged EP disc on your shelf. But don't waste $15 on this. You don't want to help Virgin recoup their $49 million investment.