Boat Trip (2003, DVD)

I saw this rental lying around in my house one day and decided to pop it into the DVD machine. Why didn t I gouge my eyes out instead? And how did Cuba Gooding Jr. go from Jerry Maguire (and winning an Oscar for it) to making a film like Boat Trip? The man is too talented to be wasting his time like this.


The Love Boat It Is Not

Jerry is feeling in the dumps after his longtime girlfriend Felicia says no to marrying him. She must be a hard woman to get over because six months after the break-up, he is still depressed from the rejection. Luckily for Jerry, he has a good friend in Nick who tries everything to cheer him up.

To escape the reality of troubles and to find lots of women, Nick books the two of them on a weeklong cruise. But unaware to the both of them, the travel agent screws them over by booking them on a gay cruise instead. Why did this happen? Because Nick just happened to offend the travel agent s secret gay lover. By the time the two realizes what happened, the cruise ship has already left port and they are stuck for the duration of the trip.

However, Jerry manages to meet the only female aboard on the whole trip a lovely dance instructor named Gabriella. Jerry takes advantage of the situation by pretending to be gay in order to get to know her better.

Meanwhile, Nick is having a hard time adjusting to his surroundings and has a series of adventures, one in particular that has him mingling with the beautiful ladies from the Swedish Sun Tanning Team (I kid thee not). They manage to board the ship after Nick tried to fire a flare signal in the air and shot down their helicopter (again, I kid thee not).

And things get even more interesting for Jerry when his ex-girlfriend Felicia wants him back and tracks him down to the cruise ship.


The Iceberg that Sunk the Titanic Hit the Wrong Boat

Again I ask, why did Cuba Gooding, Jr. agree to do this? Then again why did any of the participants join him? Horatio Sanz (Nick), Roselyn Sanchez (Gabriella) and Vivica A. Fox (Felicia) are all great actors but this didn t help showcasing their cause. Fox didn t have much screen time, which was probably a blessing in disguise.

Seriously, the best part of the movie (yes, there were actually a couple that existed) were the small appearances by Roger Moore, ex-007 James Bond, and funnyman Will Ferrell. Moore had a bit role as the wealthy and gay Lloyd Faversham who tries to pick up Nick, in a very disturbing Indecent Proposal fashion, ala Robert Redford style. And Ferrell, in an uncredited role, played the travel agent who created the whole problem in the first place.

The script was extremely unbearable and even the acting wasn t quite that humorous. Boat Trip totally drowned. No need for mouth-to-mouth.