Birthday Girl (2002, VHS)

I just saw a highly rated dud. The film is The Birthday girl starring Nicole Kidman and Ben Chaplin. This is a birthday party I hope they don t invite me to in the near future because sweetheart I am not going!


Characterization

The role of Nicole Kidman is a complex one. She is playing a mail order bride from Russia. Her dialogue in English in this flick is composed of about two paragraphs. I wonder why a Russian actress couldn t have served the audience better. Was this just money making draw to get wealthy American viewers in the seats of the local cinema? Da ! She plays a woman called Nadia A.K.A. Sophia. Beautiful, sexy and willing to do anything to please her man. This woman is shallow, baseless and needs a lesson in self-pride.


Ben Chaplin

I adore this actor. His eyes are the pools of deep dark chocolate. I wish I could drink in every breath this actor takes. He is sexy in his charm, speech and quiet desperation. In this film he plays an understated bank teller. He is looking for a girl. His prime occupation at home was porno magazines and bondage videos. From this stage he advances to trying to find a love match with purchasing a girl from Russia to make all his dreams come true. When he discovers she speaks not a syllable of English, John demands his money back and a return flight for his Nadia. The no refund policy is something akin to a cheap bargain basement auction. What did this guy expect? The name of the dating service is From Russia with Love. I felt like I was in the wrong theater. I kept looking around for Sean Connery to save this film.


The Plot

Birthday girl is the story of a Russian manufactured plot to get money from unsuspecting idiots all over the world. The ruse is to send out Nadia-pregnant prostitute and call girl in disguise and wait for the plot to thicken. The day of Nadia s birthday-two long lost Russian cousins appear out of nowhere and threaten the life of Nadia until a ransom is met. Of course, the lure of all the sexual antics has already led John like a bull being pulled by the ring into the mix. John willingly makes off with plenty of cash from his bank. Of course he gets away with it. We later discover that old Nadia herself is part of the ruse. The plot will take you through twists and turns. The part that makes me want to relive the morning sickness of pregnancy is when John and Nadia seem to let bygones be bygones and seek to make a love match of their own. This is a sickening reflection on the character of John. The implication is all men think with the waist down. This movie perpetuates the notion.


I cannot understand how this movie got the ratings it did. The plot was absolutely lame and totally unbelievable. The only birthday party I would attend this week is the one with candles, cake and ice cream. If you get a RSVP invite to the Nicole Kidman party-turn down the invitation. You will be glad you did.