Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1997, DVD)

I recently had this conversation at the water cooler with "Bob" and "Jim", and I'm afraid it got a little heated. You be the judge:

Me: "I can't believe you both think that Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves showed Kevin Costner's best work. C'mon...he stunk in it."
Bob: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Jim: Who are you? Do you work here?"
Me: "Granted the action scenes were superb, and the scenery was excellent, but every time Costner opened his mouth, I thought I was watching 'A Connetticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court.' Jim, you can't seriously think he was good, now can you, Jim?"
Jim: "My name is Margaret. Stop calling me Jim."

It got worse from there, and I had to slip out the back exit, but you get the idea. People just don't realize bad acting when they see it.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves has many elements that make it a great movie... the scenery is superb, and action sequences and stunts are high-calibre good, and there is a fine cast; Alan Rickman portrays the slimey, evil Sheriff of Nottingham with a cool, oozy grace. Christian Slater is not one of my favorite actors, but does a fine job in the role of Will Scarlett, Robin's half-brother, Morgan Freeman is passable as Azim, the Moorish companion, and Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio is a little weak and perhaps a little old as Marian, but she's far from the worst. That nugget, I'm afraid, must fall to Kevin Costner in the role of Robin of Locksley...Robin Hood. As I said to the security officer who followed me out of the building that day, he just doesn't fit the role.

The basic story: The Crusades are drawing to a close. Robin of Locksley languishes in a Turkish prison, along with a Moor gent by name of Azim, whose warning yell alerts Robin to trouble as he tries to escape. In return, Robin frees Azim, who accompanies him back to England, bound, as he says, by debt until he can save Robin's life in exchange for having his saved. If I could get that kind of loyalty out of someone, I'd never have to take out the trash, do laundry, or mow the lawn again.

Arriving in England, this odd couple find much dissaray... King Richard has yet to return from the Crusades, and the Sheriff of Nottingham is taxing up everyone's property, including Robin's own lands, after murdering Robin's father. Robin takes a blood oath of revenge, and flees to Sherwood Forest to plot against the sheriff. In the forests he meets a ragtag band of robbers led by John Little, a.k.a. Little John, and unites them into a rebel force to win back the throne for King Richard.

This is a straight retelling of the Robin Hood tale thus far, although I admit that Azim is a highly unlikely character, given what little I know of 12th century history, which is something my breakfast cereal boxes never covered in great detail. Heretofore though, I'd always pictured Robin as a talking fox on his hind legs...or perhaps the Disney version of the Robin Hood legend has colored my thinking a tweak. No matter.

I certainly don't picture him as Costner, however, who is either unable or unwilling to take even a feeble attempt at speaking with an English accent, thereby transforming Robin Hood into Farmer Brown with his Midwestern twang. Every time he spoke, I started thinking how absolutely absurd it was. He wouldn't bare his butt, either...he uses a body double in a bathing scene...but that shouldn't count here, except that my wife keeps muttering about it morosely., saying she wants to see Costner's real tushie before she dies.

The film's redeeming features would have to be the stuntwork, for one...it is absolutely excellent. Although he can't act to save his life, Costner has a superb sword battle with Alan Rickman's Sheriff, complete with sparks shooting of the blades, sweat flying off of the actors, and shattering furniture. it is wonderfully choreographed, and grittily realistic. The other redeeming feature is Alan Rickman...his is a tremendous performance of an over-the-edge bad guy...great stuff.

A neat little cameo appearance is made at the end by Sean Connery as King Richard. Connery himself played Robin in the film "Robin and Marian" and he adds a nice touch here.

This had all the potential to be one of the best action/adventure films of its year...it's a shame it lost that chance when Costner spoke. Yet, it's still a good ride.

Yours until "Hollywood Squares" starts giving center square to former US Presidents....
- Hugh U. Kidden