Goodies - Ciara (CD 2004)

The musical atrocity known as crunk grappled the country in 2004 with hits from Usher, Lil Jon, and Petey Pablo dominating the airwaves. Later that year, crunk combined with R&B formed a whole new level of crappiness known as crunk&B, and from that rose the scantily clad Ciara and her debut album, Goodies. From one listen, you can tell that Goodies is meant to be a pure dance record with no lyrical depth and no tangible point to it. Which is fine, but Ciara's obvious vocal inadequacies and Jazze Pha's signature, if rather redundant, production style take away from what is otherwise a very decent hip-hop record. Goodies isn't particularly impressive and there's still a lot of work to be done, but it serves its purpose, for the most part.

I absolutely adored Goodies when it first came out, and who didn't? It's irresistibly catchy and full of whistling effects and synths galore. Ciara's light vocals and Petey Pablo's totally random rapping aren't much to talk about, but you know you were shaking your booty to this jam at first, don't even lie. 1, 2 Step follows in the same lyrically egotistical but dangerously danceable vein. The hook is really what saves it in the end and Ciara's highly disinterested vocals are actually good, since they let you focus on the bouncy production. But Missy Elliott should die, seriously. She can't rap to save her own cookies or goodies or whatever on this song. Anyway, Thug Style is slower and less danceable, but it's got a nice groove to it. The vocals are rather nasally and rather flat, but the dreamy production sets a nice atmosphere. It's fairly decent, but you probably won't come away remembering it. For anything good, at least.

Hotline is, surprisingly, one of the album's best tracks. Again, it's infectious and catchy and though Ciara's vocals are monotonous at best, the synth-laden production more than makes up for it. It has a strong beat and quick hook that are memorable, even if not very original. I really think Oh with Ludacris is what you hear as you enter the gates of hell, it's that bad. It's your typical southern crunk/hip-hop song and is so unbelievably horrible, I actually wanted to shoot myself after hearing it. Now if you've heard one Ludacris song, you've heard them all, and this one is a complete carbon copy of any of his earlier hits. His rhyme does nothing for it either. It's just so bland and isn't even catchy and has no groove to it all. Thankfully, the Brandy-esque Pick Up The Phone, another slightly slower track, follows it. Lyrically, we're not talking anything impressive ("Hey now, don't act wrong/Be a real G and pick up the phone"), but the production is more mellow and smooth and Ciara doesn't sound quite as disinterested as she does on the rest of the record. Of course, the heavily layered background vocals help her out, but, overall, this is definitely a listenable cut.

Lookin' At You sounds like a strong contender for the fourth single as it's highly danceable with an abrupt beat and strong bassline. The hook is also catchy, but the more high-pitched vocals fall flat. It's one of the album's better dance songs, in my opinion, but it's nothing we haven't already heard before. Ooh Baby, the first non-Jazze Phizzle producshizzle on this record, is actually pretty good as well. Ciara's smooth, more dexterous delivery matches the slower production and the sing-songy, girlish hook is incredibly infectious. Lyrically, it's juvenile, and it's not quite as danceable as other cuts, but it works. Next To You, produced by R. Kelly, is simply horrid. With a lullaby-like melody, sappy production, ditzy lyrics, and a plethora of unnecessary background vocals, this song is the epitome of everything that is wrong with R. Kelly's production style. It's so boring and cutesy and just... yeck. Screw the kiddie porn - someone should throw him in jail just for this song.

For some reason, Ciara thought she could attempt a ballad, and the product of that horribly misguided thought process is And I. Aside from having some of the cheesiest lyrics ever - "And I/Know that he won't break my heart/And I/Know that we won't ever part/It's time, time for us to settle down/And I/Wanna be with him forever" - Ciara's vocals are as boring and unenthusiastic as ever. The production is typical of any R&B slow jam and this song just plain sucks. Other Chicks has some neato (yes, that's right, neato) production and a nice flow to it, so it's actually pretty good. The vocals are a bit softer and this tune is slower altogether with a rhythmic hook and plenty of synths. It's another one of my favorites. The Title is disgustingly sample-heavy and Ciara tries too hard to sound all breathy and sexy. It has a more soulful sound than the rest of the album, but that's because of the sampling and some additional fluffy production. It sounds like it was written by a four-year-old and is sort of out of place in the more hip-hop atmosphere of this record.

Goodies is today's latest, trendy album that every mindless teenage girl (myself included) simply has to have and hails as "lyke omg itz tha bestest CD EVRRRRR!" (shoot me now. Please. Somebody.). But when looking at it as an all-around music fan, Goodies is far from great, and maybe even good. Yes, it's danceable. Yes, the rhythm is there. And yes, Ciara knows her niche in the music industry, which is more than can be said for even the most talented of musicians. Still, Goodies is just your atypical female hip-hop record, meant to stimulate the masses with its bass-heavy beats rather than captivate their minds with thought-provoking lyrics or mesmerizing vocals. Now I appreciate dancing and all-out energy and fun as much as the next person, but Goodies just drills that a little too far into my head. Due to her lack of originality, I doubt Ciara will have any major hits after this record.

Repeat: "Hotline," "Pick Up The Phone," and "Other Chicks"

Skip: "Oh"

Great Music To Play While: Skeeting, grabbing the wall, and shaking it like a dog.