Dragnet (VHS)

The nostalgia surrounding old television programs that invariably leads to their being turned into feature films didn't start in just the last few years. Boob tube classics have turned up on the silver screen for years. One looks back to the year 1987 for the film adaptation of the classic cop show "Dragnet."

Directed by Tom Mankiewicz, who has enjoyed more fame as a writer by penning several of the Sean Connery-era James Bond films as well as collaborating on the first "Superman" script, "Dragnet" stars Dan Aykroyd ("The Blues Brothers") as Joe Friday the nephew of Jack Webb's character from the television show. His commander officer is Captain Bill Gannon (Harry Morgan: TV's "M.A.S.H.") who reprises his own role from the television show.

Los Angeles may be the City of Angels, but it's also a city of crime. A group of renegades calling themselves P.A.G.A.N.s has been wrecking havoc all over the city. Their crimes included setting fire to an entire month's run of the men's magazine "Bait" published by a lisping Dabney Coleman ("9 to 5") in a Hefner-esque role. The P.A.G.A.N.s must be stopped, and Joe is the man to do it.

His new partner in Robbery/Homicide? The brash young detective Pep Streebeck (Tom Hanks). Now I've been having trouble finding out what exactly Hanks has been working on since this film, but I've heard that the former star of television's "Bosom Buddies" has enjoyed some measure of success. Right, he has only picked up five Academy Award nominations and two wins ("Philadelphia" "Forrest Gump"). But that was now and this is then if you'll allow me to mix up a common axiom. He hadn't yet earned his Hollywood respect and therefore Hanks allowed himself to make a zany comedy from time to time. With Friday, Detective Streebeck makes a fine little crime fighting odd couple. But can they stop the P.A.G.A.N.s?

The rest of the film becomes a series of "just the facts" type interviews with a host of folks. Included would be the hotel manager Enid Borden, played by Kathleen Freeman who is best know from playing the Mary 'The Penguin' Stigmata in "The Blues Brothers". Chaffeur and tough Emil Muzz (Jack O'Halloran: the no-talking bad guy in "Superman") learns what being sweated by the cops is really all about. Dabney Coleman takes time out from having his pores sucked to press the cops to find out who destroyed his precious magazines. Then there are the two other principle characters in our crime story.

The Virgin Connie Swail (Alexandra Paul: tv's "Baywatch") was kidnapped by the P.A.G.A.N.s to be used in some bizarre ritual. She is saved by the equally virginal Joe Friday and begins to tell her tale. She saw the leader of the P.A.G.A.N.s, and she is ready to point him out. Which was does the finger point?

To the Reverend Jonathan Whirley? No! Played with a comical and maniacal bit of brilliance by Christopher Plummer ("The Insider"), the Rev. Whirley is putting on a public face of goodness by promoting the Moral Advance Movement of America, or M.A.M.A. But, by night he wants to take over the city's porn trade as leader of the People Against Good And Normalcy....P.A.G.A.N.!

The wackiness pretty much ensues throughout the film. We get the classic bit of theme music from the television show to let us know when moments are particularly tense. The differences between Streebeck and Friday play out time and time again. See Friday stiff as a board at the hedonistic haven that is Dabney Coleman's Bait Mansion. See Streebeck not now quite how to react when he believes for a moment that Friday is dating Mother Goose.

Finally cry a little tear of joy as romance blooms between Joe and the Virgin Connie Swail. Feel downtrodden when Friday's dogged pursuit of Whirley gets him suspended from the force.

Just keep in mind that this movie isn't very good. I always love the skewering of organized religion, so it makes me laugh that a clergyman wants to take over the porn trade of L.A., but the idea is....well, not plausible. Don't give me any suspension of disbelief talk either. It took a few viewings of this film just to convince myself that Hanks once made films like this.

The film really does start out funny. I love the thickness of Aykroyd's head in this film. The differences between his character and Hank's play out really well for a while, but fizzle out just like the film. Plummer is hilarious as the evil Reverend. Alexandra Paul proves once again that any thing she appears in is the biggest waste of film since my senior prom pictures.

Give "Dragnet" a watch anyway though. There is enough funny stuff to keep you waiting for more. When Hanks hits with a one-liner....he hits hard. Plus, how can you not like a film where a principal character is referred to repeatedly as the Virgin Connie Swail?