Greatest Hits (1972-1979) - Aerosmith (CD 1993)

You know what tune made me buy this album? "Walk This Way". Yup, it was all "Walk This Way". "Dream On" and "Back In The Saddle" and "Last Child" meant nothing to me, but I wanted some "Walk This Way". Greatest Hits was the first Aerosmith CD I ever bought, and I suppose it's a nice introductory CD, but when you become an Aerosmith fan... like, a FAN... this album's just freakin' frustrating.

I mean, it's not a bad selection of songs, overall. Steven Tyler can sing like a muthashutyo'mouth, Joe Perry's riffs are classic, and the guitar interplay between Perry and Brad Whitford is always a plus. But these tracks are butchered. Read that, butchered.

Sure, "Sweet Emotion" darn near blows the poop right out of my bee-hind, but this psyche-funky-rockin' tune -- which is a CLASSIC, mind you -- has been cut down to a mere three minutes. What a hack job. I mean, there's no intro -- that beautiful bassline! -- and no outro. "Kings And Queens" has been sliced-an'-diced quite a bit as well, and "Remember (Walking In The Sand)" is a remake of an old doo-wop (!) song... which just makes you picture the producers of this album, in a drug-induced haze, musing "Hey! Let's put a tune from Night In The Ruts on this album! How about 'No Surprize,' that great rock song? No, no, no! Are you a moron? No, we're gonna go for 'Remember,' that crappy remake of a doo-wop song with lotsa cheesy vocals! Whoohoo!"

And ten tracks? C'mon. That's a little short, methinks, especially for a band who released, like, a record a year in the 1970s. I mean, where's "Toys In The Attic" when you need it, huh? "No Surprize"? "Seasons Of Wither"? The most glaring omission, "Mama Kin"? NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. No, if you want those tunes, you have to pick up every frickin' album -- not a bad idea, don't get me wrong, but the casual listener don't wanna churn out that kind of money.

The whizzin' and moanin' portion of this review is completed now, so I'm going to move on to the pros. I like "Dream On" and you should too. Okay, that's a bit extreme... but, geez, that is a cool song. Sounds even better when Aero performs it now, since Tyler's "sings like a muthashutyo'mouth" voice has only gotten better with age. And "Walk This Way" and "Last Child" are a couple of really nice funkified numbers that everyone should like because, you know... they're cool. Of course, the odd lyrical trains-o'-thought in "Last Child" really make you wonder what Steve and the boys were smoking -- oh, wait, we DO know. My bad. Still, a very cool song, and that riff on "Walk This Way" is so very very catchy.

Aerosmith does The Beatles on "Come Together" which just makes you think, "huh?" Because, even though it's a great cover, it wasn't too big of a hit. I mean, this is the only album it's really available on. Well, there's the soundtrack to that godawful "Sergeant Peppers" movie... but I'm talking real albums here.

"Back In The Saddle" and "Draw The Line" BOTH rule big butts, because they're really cool rock songs and, like mentioned before, everyone should love them because... you know... they're cool.

So, in conclusion, Aerosmith ROCKS! But, uh, don't buy this because it's butchered worse than a bleedin' edited-for-TV movie, 'cept this is even MORE pointless because none of the cut portions of songs actually contain anything profane/obscene/incdecent/offensive. So, you should buy the actual albums. Because they're better.

And when you read this review and go to click the "Somewhat Recommended" or "Not Recommended" button, please be kind to me, because I don't know what I'm typing. It's early, and I haven't slept in God knows how long...

Aerosmith...