Self Matters by Phillip C. McGraw (2001)

During the last couple months I have continued to think about my dash. Within this phase of reevaluation one of the books that caught my attention was Self Matters. Having already read, enjoyed Life Strategies and Relationship Rescue - also authored by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw - I thought this book might offer some nuggets of wisdom that would be applicable toward the musings that flowed.

This book was easy to understand, one that could be digested in sections, and I recommend it for those who like self-help/motivational publications. Dr. Phil encourages us to examine the authenticity of our life. I got to be me! This isn t presented in a manner that encourages us to be self-centered. Rather it assists us toward understanding ourselves.

Self Matters: Creating Your Life From the Inside Out
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw

What are the ten most defining moments of your life?
What are the seven most critical choices you have made to put you on your current path?
Who are the five most pivotal people in your world and how have they shaped you?

Contents
What If?
Defining the Authentic Self
Your Self-Concept
Introduction to External Factors
Your Ten Defining Moments
Your Seven Critical Choices
Your Five Pivotal People
Introduction to Internal Factors
Locus of Control
Internal Dialogue
Labels
Life Scripts
Introduction to the Five-Step Action Plan
Putting the Plan to Work
Sabotage
Epilogue
Appendix A
Appendix B

Reflection and Details
Perhaps the fuel for picking up a copy of Self Matters began on that cool, misty Saturday morning when I started pondering my dash. Certainly thoughts have pinged between realization of wrong priorities, examination of severing ties from a few overly hypocritical people (or rather back stabbers), and thankfulness for those whom are true friends. As stated in Mrs. Dash (http://www.epinions.com/content_2781257860), I already had been contemplating the importance of life, and a deep yearning to re-evaluate the hideous schedule that reigned like a long queue at a busy theme park, and desire to rid my life from things that weren t fun.

I do believe that things happen for a reason, and although we can t always see the reason within the heat of the moment, it is eventually shown. Looking back now, digestion of this publication during a recent vacation proved to be perfect timing, and a marvelous complement for the happenstance that would puke its way into my path.

Upon return from a glorious trip with my daughters, I realized that certain vindictive people had used the timeframe in which they knew I was away to release rumors. The ludicrous point is that some subscribed to the supposed lies and reacted. Naturally the actions of those few were hurtful, and it was frustrating to realize that some individuals were so rancorous. One individual even used the moment to unsubscribe me from a supposed pristine *cough* group that she runs (This process was reversed but she later did it again without cause Thankfully I can consider the source, be thankful to realize the true person that she is, and move forward.). This same situation proved to show me true friendships, the attributes shown forth from those who allow character to count.

I share this with you because one of the big issues addressed within Self Matters: Creating Your Life From the Inside Out is examination of the authenticity of your life. In this process, part of what we need to look at is the company we keep. Sometimes cynical people affect you in a negative manner that disables you to be YOU. Yes I realize we are responsible for our own actions, but it is true that the company we keep will often show forth in our actions. While I fully believe we can be palatable acquaintances with most, there are those individuals that attempt to interject themselves into our life but they really are a work of fiction. It is during moments such as the incident I mentioned above that we could either allow a negative life alteration or we can take inventory, shake off the knocks, and move forward.

The sample I provide is minor, yet if allowed to be it could become a major stumbling block that would allow masks and walls to be built. I could ve taken it as rejection, but really I took it as confirmation toward the actual personality of that particular person. In life, I want to be able to learn from errors but I don t want them to rob my ability to operate at full potential. Nor do I desire to allow other people to steal character traits that are important portions of me.

Within this publication Dr. Phillip C. McGraw encourages us to reflect upon the moments of color and passion in our life. He asks us to remember those moments, reflect upon them, and then to ask ourselves if we have let those colors fade. If so how much? He further speaks of the fact that this process can happen a little at a time and we might be within a shade of gray. This was an interesting tidbit for me. As youth leaders, we volunteer with teens. One of the issues we discuss with them is the importance of realizing habits. We use the example of a frog. If you drop a frog into boiling water it will hop out. You drop it into lukewarm water, gradually increasing the heat toward boiling point it will die. I paralleled that scenario to the factor that none of us would purposefully go from a life of living color to a life of gray blah.

As I nibbled on this, the realization sprang forth that it really was time to reevaluate where my creative energies were being applied.

A Handful of Appreciative Statements
There are many statements made within the 336 pages of Self Matters: Creating Your Life From the Inside Out that massaged my heart or hit me along the backside of the head, and sprung me into reality.

Ask yourself how long it has been since you were really excited about some meaningful aspect of your life.
Passion Excitement
I can t lose these. Nor can one aspect of my life receive so much attention, that the rest wilts.

If the best part of your life is in the past, something is way out of whack.
Today Tomorrow
Another confirmation of need for reevaluation.

We are on a merry-go-round spinning too fast for us to hold onto, and too fast for us to jump off of. In response, we "hunker down" and just try to get through it.
Slow down and reevaluate. I cannot allow myself to succumb to stressful living principles. Nor can I allow the mean spiritedness of others to superimpose onto my mannerism.

you have abandoned yourself and what matters to you
Oh no! It was true, in the routine of allowing a hobby to become too job like I had fallen short of maintaining me. Truly the time had arrived to abandon commitment that wasn t fun, and didn t allow me to be me.

Hey, wait a minute here. Screw the expectancies; screw living for everyone else. They (whoever 'they' are) don't pay my rent, they don't come home with me at night and bathe my kids and cook my dinner! Why, then, am I living for what I think some ill-defined bunch of people expecting of me? They don't get a vote anymore. I will no longer give my power away. I want it back, and I'm going to use it to be me.
Conclusion =
Certain things are going bye-bye, and certain people can take a flying leap because their thought processes will not be allowed to superimpose onto me!

Bottom of the Line: I m Back! =)

Final Thoughts
For me this book was helpful in regards to a reevaluation process I was withstanding (self-inflicted). Thankfully the nuggets within Self Matters: Creating Your Life From the Inside Out there were points of validation that it was time to do some pruning in my life. The information provided within this book was received like a pep talk, and the points are applicable for most. I enjoyed the push toward accountability of emotional well being, and the confirmations of decisions made. This is a book that I enjoyed reading and will keep within my home assortment.

I feel that this book is good for:
Those that like other publications by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw.
If you like self-help books.
If you are at a pivotal point in your life.
If you are unhappy with your job, marriage, or other situations.

The insights shared in Self Matters allowed me to continue the reevaluation of my extracurricular activities.

It was easier to accept that even in volunteer situations, corporations lose sight of the membership. It is important for me as a person to not lose sight of FUN. The information gleaned also allowed me to understand the importance of not allowing others actions to hinder your growth.

Life lessons aw they re building blocks for the future. Reality hit I adjusted toward positive approaches, and received some helpful repositioning of priorities. Free to be me and no longer worried with regard to what management at a company thinks about me. Friends are the most important aspect, and that shall be where a focus.


2002 Lisa_J