Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft (2003, Paperback, Reprint)

I am a victim of domestic violence and did not know it until it became physical abuse. Everyone should read this book to become aware of those problem people that pick us out, manipulate, bully and control us and our assets, until we fear for our lives. This book, once you start reading, you can not stop. This book will walk you through from beginning of an abusive relationship to the end. It will prepare you for what to expect once out of the relationship, if you are lucky, as I was. In other words, helps you prepare a safety plan. To know this person with the personality disorder is to arm yourself and protect yourself from further abuse. This book is easy reading and keeps you interested all the way through. I have donated the first book I purchased to the Victim's Advocate Division of our County. A neighbor could not put the book down after asking if there was something he could read to understand what I had experienced in the last 16 years.
Of all the books recommended to me to read, this was far the best!

I have read many books on domestic violence. I work at a women's shelter and have read tons of books on this subject. Bancroft is the most clear and precise author. The author has worked with men who abuse and he is very much an advocate for women. The mind of the abuser is described and so is safety planning. This is by far the most informative book on domestic violence that I have seen. I would highly recommend this book for professionals or for people who are in abusive relationships.

An excellent, complete look at abusers (physical, emotional, verbal) by the man who has counseled them for many years. He makes no excuses for abusive behavior, but gives a comprehensive look at the entire realm of abuse and ways to avoid and/or leave abusive relationships.

This is also a subtle "in your face" tome for those who are abusive (like I was). If you are man enough (95% of abusers are heterosexual men on their female partners) to face the truth, this book gives you serious insight into why you have chosen this behavior and why you must stop now!

I concur with all the other opinions listed about this book, but wish to add that my abuser is now in jail after stalking me for 4 years, molesting my daughter, and threatening to kill me. Without the help and preparation this book gave me, I would probably be the dead one now, instead of his girlfriend, who he did kill. I was able to plan and protect my children, and eventually gain legal support for terminating his parental rights. I can tell you, though, prepare for a tough fight. And I have to also say, that I was married to my abuser for eight years before his abuse got "above my radar." It is important for you to understand that your abuser's potential may not yet be visible. READ THE BOOK. IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

This is one of the most well written books on the subject of abusive men that I have read. It gave in depth details on not only the actions but the thinking patterns of these kinds of men. These insights were very healing for me. The author's writings on the Jeckle/Hyde personalities of these men and his support and resources for the women involved in these relationships have been priceless.

This is an EXCELLENT book. I am also a survivor of domestic violence. I didn't read this until after I left the abusive marriage and in the middle of the long custody battle, that is still going on 4 years later. Lundy gives such great information and case history that mirrors my life. It's not until you read this book and go through it that you realize how controlling abusive men are even after you've left the marriage and how they can get so many educated people on their side. Anyone who's suffered abuse or knows of anyone who has suffered abuse, needs to read this book. You won't put it down. I've talked with Lundy and his teacher from years ago. Both very pleasant and helpful. Working to get Mr. Bancroft to SC to speak on domestic violence and the aftermath. I bought this book a few years ago and gave it away. I'm buying a new one since I am now in the process of helping other women and helping them to understand that there are crooked judges, guardians, police, etc. and that it's not them.
GREAT BOOK!!! A MUST READ!!!!

GOOD BOOK ABOUT CONTROL. MY FRIEND WAS GOING THRU A DIFFICULT DIVORCE AND WAS READING THIS AND IT HELPED HER FOR ME TO READ WITH HER

As a law enforcement professional, I found this book to be extremely helpful in understanding the abuser.

I found this very helpful with my situation.I saw it was recommended on another website. I just wish it had more direction on handling the problem once it is discovered.

Lundy Bancroft is an excellent author on the difficult topic of Domestic Violence. My daughter is the one in the relationship and a counselor encouraged me to read everything I could on this subject. She recommended this book. It is excellent. I read it, then got a copy for my daughter to read. I believe it is one to read, and then re-read. It is an excellent book on this topic. Get it and give it to everyone you know dealing with this difficult topic, whether the victim or someone who cares about a victim in this sad and dangerous situation.

I decided to buy it after borrowing a copy from the library. It is amazing! Mr. Bancroft explains the minds of abusive men.

For 16 years I've been confused, knowing something very negative and strange occurred whenever my husband and I attempted to discuss (pretty much) anything. FINALLY I UNDERSTAND what he is doing!! Thank you so much, Mr. Bancroft!!

Finally, a book that makes sense of it all. Every woman should read this. Even if you are involved with the most wonderful man in the world, the information will help some day you support a friend, daughter, sister. . .someone along the way. The controlling and angry man's mindset is not what we think it is, and we all need to become educated on how it works. It will literally save your life!!

This book is hard-hitting (no pun intended), both for the abuser and abused. It shed some light on the motives of many abusers and is very helpful in validating the different emotions that the victim of the abuse feels. It does, however, give a pretty bleak view in terms of recovery, which I felt would leave many abused feeling like there would be little hope of their man being able to change (not my experience--mine did change...with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible).

I bought this book on the recommendation of a woman whose adult daughter had been killed by an abusive boyfriend. She thought it is an important book and so do I, even life-changing as I have now shared it with two friends who are also blown away by the insight of the author. He is careful to point out that the abuse a woman experiences is not her fault, which is a refreshing change from most other marriage fixer books I've read. Very relevant, very timely.