Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb (1995, Paperback, Reprint)

If you have suffered under narcissistic parents this book will make you feel validated that you are not the problem. It's not so much a psychological analysis as it is case histories of people who are trying to cope with the internalized low self esteem and self criticism implanted by self absorbed parents. Adults who have this problem have been taught to be extensions of their parents reality and not fully developed, individual human beings. I really found a lot of comfort in it. It's not going to give you oodles of advice on how to cope with such experiences but will tell you the effects and how to recognize them. Counseling is really the answer for such problems.

My one criticism of the book is that the author supports continuing a relationship with such parents even though it sets back the progress of self identity. I'm not sure that is the answer for everyone. Sometimes the relationship is so unhealthy that it needs to terminated. She doesn't address that as an option.

Overall, a very noble effort to show those struggling with the effect of narcissistic parents that they are not alone and that they are the problem--not the sufferer.

My husband and I took in a girl at age 17 that had been raised to that point by narcissistic parents who kicked her out. We have seen the incredible damage that this type of parent can do and even though we have loved and supported her for 17 more years so far, we can only keep her emotional wounds from bleeding, but not heal them. In order to learn more about her past, I have studied considerable material on narcissism and this book has been the most concise and helpful. The victims of this type of parent; and I do not use the word victim lightly as children cannot be anything but victimized by narcissists, suffer greatly from existing only to fulfill their parents needs and desires. This book helped me more fully understand our daughter's pain and appreciate how far she has come from that warped background. I agree that the book's contention as to maintaining a relationship with the narcissistic parent(s) is not necessarily the best; either for the adult child or his/her family. The behavior of these people cannot be changed, one can only learn to shield oneself from them in order to minimize the hurt. I strongly recommend this book if you are trying to learn more about narcissism or know someone who has suffered at the hands of a narcissist.

This is one of the books on narcissism that one reads initially and then begins looking for the answers to the problem it defines. I have always LOVED books that describe real life examples, showing what happened to others and how I may have or might have traveled down a similar path. The author describes the character and dynamics of the relationship of narcissist and victim in numerous examples. Keep in mind though, a clear picture of someone else's experience while it might help you define yours does not necessarily suggest answers. Victims of narcissists are a group of people who need answers, and for whom the likelihood of there being good answers are few and far between. It is not only as bad as it may seem but quite likely worse than an 'outsider' can EVER imagine. To anyone who has a narcissist in their life you have my greatest sympathy: for one of them tore my family of origin apart and quite likely still believes it's not their fault.