Once Upon a Time in the Midlands (DVD, 2004)

Oh my goodness....where do I begin!! I thought this film would have promise...I love British based and produced films - particularly those produced by Film Four - think Four Weddings and a Funeral or Shallow grave,
Furthermore this starred Robert Carlyle of Trainspotting and Full Monty Fame, Rhys Ifans of the Replacements and Twin Town, Ricky Tomlinson, Kathy Burke, all names I know and whose work I have enjoyed!
This sounded good on all levels - even the premise of the film - Robert Carlyle is a petty criminal up to no good in his native Scotland, when he happens to watch a TV show where his former flame gets a marriage proposal - and promptly turns it down! He makes his way back to the Midlands and her home with the hope of winning her back!! In theory this is good guy verses bad guy and the jargon on the DVD suggests this is a modern day western of sorts!!
I am not too sure what it is - except boring - we tried to keep watching this, but had to admit defeat!!It saunters along with no discerning story to speak of, a touch of silly humor here and there - most of which seems to fail miserably!! The setting and family life depicted is dull and depressing - not exactly what you want for your evening entertainment!!
I am sorry, but for me this is a 1/5 and if there was a zero option, I would give it that!! Thus may work for someone out there but for me there was no entertainment value whatsoever!