In the Zone - Spears, Britney (CD 2003)

I've always wanted to write "like Turbo and Ozone" in a review title. I don't know. Maybe I've seen Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo one too many times. What do Turbo and Ozone have to do with Britney's album? Absolutely nothing. But the way Britney steals her sound to recreate herself for this album, maybe she'll want to just do a full album singing over break beats for her next album. Or how about bringing Turbo and Ozone back to finish the Breakin' trilogy. Breakin' 3: The Return of the BBoy?

Honestly, we have a ton of great reviews on this album already. All the "Britney's back", "she's grown up", and "she's sexual" stuff was littered throughout. I guess that stuff is interesting, but to me, the biggest thing about this album is that the sound is completely borrowed from the club/house music scene. I wasn't interested in this album until I saw so many positive reviews. And being as into pop culture as I am, I didn't want to miss out. Hey, maybe it was pretty good. So I decided to cross In(to) The Zone.

I wasn't a big fan of Me Against The Music because I really didn't understand the big fuss. It was the pairing of pop stars, young and old. Madonna and Britney. But Madonna is barely on the song and it doesn't sound like she had much of an influence. The video was decent though and made me slightly appreciate it more. And after listening to the rest of the album, I started to think it wasn't half bad. But that was after listening to the rest of the album, which isn't even half good.

Right off the bat, is the worst collabo I've ever heard. I Got That (Boom Boom) is one of the worst pairing of talents (or non talents) I've ever heard. It tries very hard to be trendy with the southern sound. But if she really wanted that, she could've used Timberland and Bubba Sparks because at least they would've made sure it would've been at least radio material. But I guess since Justin used both of them on his album, they were a no no. So we get the Ying Yang Twins who simply yell "shortay!" for no reason while Britney says that she's got that boom boom that we all want. It's not the boom boom that we want, it's a decent song that we want. And how did Brit and the Ying Yang Twins hook up? At least ODB and Mariah went back like babies and pacifiers.

I think Britney was listening to Michael Jackson a little too much. You know how MJ seems to go back to his patented sounds in certain songs? Well Britney has this agitating sexual coo that she uses in Showdown. This song makes me scratch my head as I don't think it knows what it wants to be. Britney doesn't really sing that much in this song. It's almost as if she's rapping, or maybe just reading off cue cards or something. Breathe On Me is much better in just about every way, but I've heard this song before. I think I was in my early 20's, back when I used to go to clubs. I can remember the lights going every which a way and thumping baselines that would make you feel like you were dizzy. Yup, that's exactly what this sounds like to me. Just about any house beat or dance beat from those days at the club. And again, I'm not sure what she's doing with her voice, as it doesn't sound like singing to me. But she does want you to breathe on her for some reason. I hope you have breath mints.

Whoops, I spoke too soon. It seems like Brit is the one who needs the breath mints on Early Mornin' as she's been out till the break of dawn and passes out on the couch. It's still a lazy effort from everyone involved in my opinion. I thought the object was to sing. Maybe I'm just naive. Finally she does right with Toxic which is the way I'd have gone if I was someone who had a modicum of responsibility on this album. Even if she would've been labeled as a Pink copier, Toxic is the type of fun song that shows that she can actually have a pleasant sounding voice at times and I think they could make one spiffy video out of this song.

Outrageous is immediately recognized as an R. Kelly song. Like he doesn't even hide it. If his production could talk, it'd say, "Pied Piper Of R&B". If that wasn't enough, this is the You Remind Me of the album and while Britney doesn't say that anyone reminds her of her jeep, she does say that her shopping spree, sex drive, sexy jeans, when she's on the scene, and some other mumbo jumbo is all Outrageous. Lyrics must be overrated nowadays. The Hook Up is your throwaway dance hall song. To me, it sort of sounds like a mix of Missy Elliot's One Minute Man and Get Ur Freak On but I could totally be hearing things. Shadow is a boring ballad in the vain of her poppy stuff of old. I was almost glad to hear it, but it bored the heck out of me.

Finally, another fun song. It sounded like the beginning of a sped up version of Material Girl, but Brave New Girl has an electronic flavored beat and Brit's voice is played with to where it doesn't even sound like her. It's a uppity song and it seems like the guy behind the boards had fun with his toys in production. Everytime tries very hard to be that soft ballad in the vain of Janet Jackson's Again or even a song of the same namesake, Every Time from the Velvet Rope album. However, Britney's voice as well as the music don't make it interesting enough to where you feel for her like you did Janet.

I saved the best for last. Yes, the masturbation song. Touch Of My Hand is the secret song that shows Britney's maturity and new found adulthood. However, the song just graces the tip of what it's supposed to be. She sings:

I don't want to explain tonight all the things I tried to hide
I shut myself off from the world so I can draw the blinds
And I'll teach myself to fly

Is that what masturbation is all about? I honestly think it's a cool attempt to sing about something that's daredevilish, that might make her grandmother twinge at first, second, third and fourth hearing, but the song just reeks of bad soft core porn. Do people really talk about masturbation like that? It sounds like the Penthouse Forum version of what masturbation is about. Maybe she was trying to not be too obscene, which is fine, but if you're going to be rebellious, at least throw the middle finger in the air. It doesn't have to be Adam Sandler's At A Medium Pace, but it should be a little more forthcoming if it is a song about the touch of her hand. Overall though, it's pretty slick for the princess of pop to be able to sing a song that personal.

Ah, the album that was supposed to be so slick, and her best album ever to me is just a copycat of what has been cool, or what was cool, rather than what will be cool. Britney's going to have to try harder to convince me next time.

Great Music to Play While: Watching Turbo And Ozone