In Sheep's Clothing by George K. Simon (1996, Paperback)

The “How” manipulative personalities work and “Why” they behave that way are good. Simon offers up some excellent examples of behavior and reasoning on what the manipulator is attempting to be achieved, but little on what modalities the victim of such an attack can use to achieve a positive result. Except for a short comment stating the manipulative personality is unlikely going to change, there is little mention on how to work on an ongoing basis. The conclusion one is left with is “Run.” The difference, as I see it, between the “manipulator” (both overt and covert) and the rest of the population is the extent and frequency they use the techniques. A chronic manipulator may be easier to address than an occasional one in that employing anti-blackmail tactics will leave the chronic manipulator without alternative resources to get their way and may be able to learn more appropriate responses if a positive alternative is presented. The occasional manipulator is far harder to address as that person has a battery of defensive behaviors from which to draw upon and is much better at shifting mechanisms when faced with non-compliance.
Another factor not covered is the level of mental instability of the perpetrator. Someone afflicted with BPD would be far more difficult to address than a child recently embarking on the manipulative model.

The book started out excellent, probably the most in-depth and useful psychology book written with practicality in mind. What I liked best, was how the author describes, normal people, vs disordered thinking, which sets the premise for understanding. Then, the author goes into tactics, that manipulative use, and how to "deal" with them.

That is the only problem I have with this book, it tells you how to "deal" and cope, but not really how to solve the problem. Manipulation takes many forms, and is the baseline of many disorders, including those people that are aggressively narcissistic, (NPD) are socio paths, etc. as well, as people with problems on a lesser scale. Because manipulation exists with the dangerous minded, I was very disappointed that the book did not even address the notion, of how to break a relationship off, with such a dangerous person.

I would expect a chapter on that. When someone picks up this book, they are looking to be empowered in dealing with the situation and then going beyond. What this book is highlight what most know, people use these tactics, so they dont have to confront the truth, and thus change. In fact, these the covert aggressers, which is the subject of the book, typically if ever, reform, and the author explains why that is.

The author gives reasonable advice, like setting limits, confrontation, etc. but he missed the key point, GETTING AWAY!!! People listen to action, and not words, and getting away is the best and most effective action of all.

I think a chapter should be added, to deal with the attachment issues of manipulative people. They loves themselves the way they are, they will not change, which is fine, we all have power over our own choices. But more explanation should be going into hows and whys of breaking off such a negative relationship, with a person that refuses to treat anyone with respect. (and that is an understatment)

I was really really surprised and disappointed that was NOT in the book. What is it about the manipulative person, that makes outrageous demands, on people, but then, refuses to be fired??

Maybe, that will be in the next book, a sequal or revision perhaps??? But that is why I could give this review an EXCELLENT!!! To much was missing.

I enjoyed reading "In Sheep's Clothing" because I have lots of wolfs around in my in-laws. I realized I've been dealing with them completely wrong over the years. I tried to explain and defend myself when in reality nothing "normal" will work for them. They operate from a different mental level and ability and what will work with any "normal" person will not work with someone emotionally deprived from childhood on. Personality disorders cannot be categorized in nature vs. nurture, it is the lack of nurture they received as babies and children. They manipulate others into taking care of them in ways they need to make up for their own lack of care during their childhood. Neglected or emotionally abandoned people are the ones with the manipulative personalities and dealing with them is very different than dealing with anybody who is emotionally stable. I enjoyed the book and learned how to change my approach with the destructive people my in-laws are. A real eye opener.