I Hate You-Don't Leave Me by Hal Straus, Jerold J. Kreisman M.D. (1991, Paperback, Reprint)

I was diagnosed as having BPD (borderline personality disorder). Though I recieved info regarding BPD from my doctor, I still could not understand the diagnosis or how it pertained to me. I researched and found this book and one called "Lost In The Mirror". I bought them both and I am extremely glad I did.
I highly recommend getting both books!!!

I was a self-mutilator. I cut myself with razors and I burnt my flesh with cigarettes. I was not a teen-ager out to get attention which is what most think of when they think of self-mutilators. I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing ... I would have been extremely embarrassed. After all, I was married and had 3 children. I hid my wounds with a lot of clothes.

You can read my review here regarding "Lost In The Mirror" to find out more on how it helped me.

"I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" is one that helped me figure out why I wanted people in my life ... but then I wanted also to push them away and get them to leave me alone. I saw everything and everyone as either black or white ... no grey in between. One moment I had my husband on a pedestal. He was a perfect God! He was handsome, loving ... just perfect and I adored him. A moment later ... WOAH! He was an evil jerk who could do nothing right in my eyes! I would switch from being an adoring, loving wife one moment to being a hateful witch the next just by him doing very little things that I found annoying ... such as not filling an ice tray.

Often times I would scream at him to leave ... just get out. I hated him. Then I would turn right around and beg him to stay ... I loved him.

I didn't even realize the extent of my behavior until I read this book. In order to overcome how I acted and reacted, I had to first be able to recognize my own patterns and then learn how to start responding differently to the outside stimuli.

Thanks to this book and the other, I no longer harm myself or mistreat those I love. I have learned to see myself and others as we really are and not in such extreme and opposite measures. Oh I can still hate when someone does something wrong ... but I can hate what they did without actually feeling like I completely hate them.

I highly recommend this book for not only the person with BPD, but also for their loved ones. Understanding what is happening and why is the biggest key to the healing that needs to take place.