Friday the 13th (DVD, 2009, Extented Killer Cut)

'sighs' I'm almost as sick of hearing people complain about remakes as I am watching them. A professional critique of this film can go both ways. If you are, as I am, a maniacal fanatic of the Friday the 13th films then there's about a 99% chance you will have a seemingly endless stream of problems with this movie, all of which I am more than happy to detail below. If you've never really cared about Jason Voorhees and you're just in for a decent slasher flick then chances are high that you will have a great time watching this.
And now I must rant about all of my complaints: This film absolutely disregards everything you've ever loved about Jason, and all the Friday films. The first Friday the 13th doesn't even show Jason but for a brief second at the very end (and well played at that by Ari Lehman - now famous for that 2 second role)his mother was the killer and single handedly birthed one of the greatest horror films of all time! She's in the remake for about 4 seconds right at the start giving viewers absolutely no sense of the history behind her and her motives for killing.
Secondly, it takes Jason several films/resurrections to become the unstoppable seemingly immortal brute force that he becomes. In perhaps part 6:Jason Lives does he possess such awesome strength and cunning visibility as he does from the very beginning of this awful remake.
Jason was a "mongoloid". A deformed mentally retarded child who drowned in a lake. He later had a small beat up sorry excuse for a cabin out in the woods, like something a mentally retarded person on their own would build. And it's perfect!! Yet somehow in this 2009 film, he operates generators, builds cages, sets traps, hollows out caves underground, changes light bulbs, makes beds, and takes prisoners whom he brings food to to keep them alive and healthy. His childhood home still stands, neatly dusted and bed well kept with his camp trophies well in place next to his neat little bed with his name engraved on it. Absolute doodoo.
His killings are very precise and well organized almost in comparison with Showtime's Dexter. No no no. Jason kills mercilessly and without any care as to where his blade will fall. He'll punch your head off your shoulders, rip your heart out with his bare hands, hack you into pieces with his machete. Nope, not in this film - he shoots a guy in the head from over a quarter mile away with a bow and arrow. No, that's just stupid. Throws an axe from about 50 yards out and hits a guy right in the middle of his back perfectly. Also very stupid.
Jason wasn't the only thing wrong however. The actors were all the worst of the worst. Not funny stupid like all the original Friday's, just plain stupid stupid people that you can barely stand to watch. The boobies were all very large and extremely fake as well, no fun ones like in part 5.
The dialogue was awful. What the writers thought was clever verbiage was just over the top hogwash - like in Scream 2.
Final synopsis - I hate hate hate this movie, but for some strange reason I've watched it half a dozen times like I'm waiting for something I didn't catch to pop up. I'll watch it again too. Like there's some strange unexplainable addictive substance woven into the film. Put all your memories and love for the original Fridays aside and you actually have yourself a very decent slasher flick that's fun for all, unless of course you're a harsher critic than me. Then you can just abandon all hope all together.