An Evening Wasted With... by Tom Lehrer (CD, Apr-1990, Reprise)

I recently blogged on the subject of my eBay reviews, which led a reader to suggest that I do a review of a Tom Lehrer album. Unlike the apparently obscure items I normally review, it turns out that the Lehrer albums had received reviews already. Rather than simply adding my voice to the chorus, pointing out that he's funny and witty and clever and amusing and satirical, I thought I'd tell a story about a song on An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer.

"An Evening Wasted" sports the following tracks:

1. Poisoning Pigeons In The Park
2. Bright College Days
3. A Christmas Carol
4. The Elements
5. Oedipus Rex
6. In Old Mexico
7. Clementine
8. It Makes A Fellow Proud To Be A Soldier
9. She's My Girl
10. The Masochism Tango
11. We Will All Go Together When We Go

All the titles that sound bizarre are precisely that. All the titles that don't sound bizarre are just as bizarre as the ones that do. This leaves The Elements with a somewhat ambiguous status. Bizarre or not? Well, here's how it begins:

"There's antimony arsenic aluminum selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium"... It continues through nobelium, sung to a jaunty piano rendition of Gilbert and Sullivan's "Modern Major General" song. I assume you've made your "bizarre or not" decision by now. Another example of bizarre: I didn't look up those lyrics. I have committed the song to memory! I did it back in my high-school days, along with many of Lehrer's other songs. Did I ever expect the ability to sing the names of the chemical elements to be useful? <Satire>Sure I did. I would sing them at my presidential inaugural address, right after emerging from the armored limousine in a Mao suit.</Satire>

Remarkably, it HAS proved useful, for it led directly to my three-pen-nerd status. The nerd hierarchy is similar to the "stars" of a general, although there are no corresponding lower ranks. If you have the Calling, you automatically start out with one pen ("star"). This isn't a great distinction; pretty much anyone who has assembled a Heathkit, subverted his parents computer, or built a rudimentary stun gun is entitled to a single pen on his own recognizance. It's a "starter." The second pen isn't an enormous challenge, either. Although you have to apply to the Board, it's pretty routine - you fill out a form with your nerdish accomplishments, attach a photograph of yourself, and send it in. People are rarely turned down; when they are, it's usually some guy who is not only posing but isn't smart enough to have put a little tape on his glasses for extra points.

The third pen, however, is quite an honor. You don't just write to the Board. If they decide you might qualify, you must attend them in person. Needless to say, it's a nervous-making ordeal. You're put to the Question about not just your accomplishments–but also about your attitude. I was told that I shouldn't report too much about these questions for obvious reasons, i.e., others will be following and it should be a surprise. At the end of the I was asked if there was any final thing I wanted considered. I had an inspiration and burst into The Element Song! Smiles all around, and I left the room while they deliberated. They invited me back in just a few minutes and handed me my ceremonial pen with congratulations.

Notwithstanding the above, my favorite song on the album is "In Old Mexico." Its terminal rhyme is worth the price of admission!