Crap-filled Crap-coated Crap with a Crap Center.
5 of 7 people found this review helpful.
*** This comment may contain spoilers ***
I swore off of this "movie" after the "rough trailer" was released. Then all these folks kept telling me it'd be so much better than that, would look like the cover art and the story was "so true to the book".
I bought it, and found that the "rough trailer" even on YouTube looked pretty much the same as this crap-filled crap-coated crap with a crap center that they put out as a final product.
Verminaard wearing a dishtowel over his face?
Takhisis is all fuzzy in most of her scenes.
People missing hands and feet.
Extra hands and feet.
No dead lizard for healing.
Giant Square Chins For All (tm).
No death by acid - wasn't this the reason for the PG-13 stated by the authors?
Big Wiggly Bewbs on Innocent Young Barmaids (tm) - seriously, she's supposed to have a rack and all, but holy stripclub freakshow, Batman!
Staff light punches people in the chest?
It seemed to be an average of about four frames per second. I even paused and frame-by-framed it, there are places where I had to advance 10 or 12 frames to see anything change.
The Forestmaster looked more like the Lawnornament.
Sizechanges all around. Grow a foot, shrink a foot. Grow a foot, shrink a foot.
No Horns for Sturm, no Helm for Caramon, but Verminaard got a dishtowel?
Elistan macking on Laurana? Wasn't there a pretty important theme later on, of Tanis's jealousy and how it was unfounded, that Laurana was mad he'd infer that Elistan was anything more than her wise mentor? Gonna be kind of hard for her to get mad now, having been macked on. Hope I'm using that term right - isn't that how you kids say it?
Bewbs here, Bewbs there, Bewbs everywhere! Tika's Bewbs are so freakishly huge they deserved a second entry. Though, I do wish my wife (or any woman anywhere, for that matter) had the ability to make their bewbs dance around and point like that.
I'm selling mine on eBay already. I hope to soon get it out of my house. I'd throw it away but our trash company won't take sewage.
Review ID: 10000000005165973
Thank you for voting. If your vote meets our
guidelines, it will be posted within 24 hours.
You cannot vote on the helpfulness of a review you wrote.
Your request cannot be processed at this time. Please try again later.
All rights reserved.
) 
