Bloodrayne (DVD, 2006, Unrated Director's Cut)

I rented Bloodrayne on Comcast On Demand and realized about twenty minutes into it that this movie was scattered in terms of its exposition. The director seems to take us from one point to the next with no real "flow" to Bloodrayne's origins. One minute we see her at a carnival as an attraction, the next she escapes and starts killing people. It just didn't seem to fit. As I have never played the game, I thought I could learn about it and, if I liked the movie, buy the game. Alas I will not.

As far as acting is concerned, it comes across as wooden because the dialogue is so terrible. Whoever wrote this movie needs to be given the Bubonic plague for allowing my ears to hear the utterly mid-twentieth lines used in a sixteenth century context. People then didn't talk like we do now and no matter how many people you get to act with an english accent, it still sounds fake.

The redeming part in this movie (which is the only reason I'd buy it) is the gratuitous nude scene of Kristanna Loken. I'm as horny as the next guy and I probably would "toss one off" to her when she takes her top off, but that doesn't excuse it's poor choice of words. Come to think of it, I probably will buy this just to see her chest. But that's besides the point.

If you want to see Ms. Loken's chest, then buy this film. If you want to see some campy blood scenes and a plot with more holes than swiss cheese, then buy this film. Other than those things, just rent this or maybe save yourself some money and simply don't watch it. At the very least, please don't buy this film for $19.99, you will be getting taken advantage of and I will be forced to slap the producer and director for stealing your money while then visiting you personally to insult you for wasting your money.